Adrian Chiles

I’m being plagued by a particularly pushy estate agent. I’ve tried blocking them, reasoning with them, even barking at them. And still they keep coming back for more …

Every breath I take, and every move I make, every bond I break, every step I take, they keep phoning me. This is a chain of London estate agents, well known to be – and doubtless proud of the accolade – the pushiest of a pushy breed. I bought a flat through them more than 10 years ago and I’ve had no peace since. It seems they think I might want to sell or rent it. I’ve told them I don’t. I’ve even told them I don’t own it any more. But it does no good. They always come back for another try. Perhaps they just want to keep in touch. Sweet, really.