the tree witch

Leaned over the creek in search of my lost Pallas all I found were the ripples of my tears. I saw her face in my reflection, itself hardly a mirage in the waves. The longer I looked the more I cried and the more imperceptible she became. I stood then and turned to the woods. I walked a path set by the trees until I found a clearing far enough upstream that I couldn't recognize where I'd been.

In the clearing was a cottage flanked by fields of flowers. I was quick to gather a bouquet that I hugged close and breathed in deep, eyes shut tight lest the light distract from what respite I'd found. When I opened my eyes I saw I had walked blind through the meadowy moat and was standing outside the cottage door. I felt her presence through it and knowing she was on the other side I stood frozen where I was. The door opened.

I'd only dreamed about her, a fairy tale imagined from rumors I'd heard, yet before me stood the Tree Witch. I reached out my arms to return the flowers I was holding, which she took smiling. She motioned to invite me in and after fetching and filling a vase for the flowers invited me to sit. I asked how long she'd been here. She said that she'd begun here so was always here. I asked if she ever gets lonely. She said that the villagers and woodsmen come to ask for the blessing of her magic offering some piece of themselves in return and that the tokens left behind occupy a space that vacant would hold the shape of loneliness. I told her I would ask to be whole again, and happy. I felt a stinging in my heart and apologized I didn't have a gift to offer.

By then the sun had started to set. She stepped out of the cottage, and I followed her back into the woods. Night crept in so quickly I lost track of where we were and found myself blinded by darkness. It was then she stopped and called out, "I am the Tree Witch, overfull and more than myself!"

First there was silence. Then before us grew a light, and in the light there was a voice. At last he replied, "I am the Rose King, gardener and garden, spirit of the forest!" I stared closely as he spoke and in the space where his eyes should have been I saw the fire of all life, held in balance in the space where his heart should have been. I watched the forest ebb and flow inside him and I saw his aching to grow. An indivisible spirit, he offered all of himself imploring that he too be blessed to be overfull and more than himself. With a thorny kiss their bodies fell to dust.

First I heard the rushing of water. Then I felt the sun. I opened my eyes and watched a snake slither under a bush. At last my heart beat again, and again it stung, and again I fell to cry another teary offering to the creek. Even though it looked so much the same, I saw the forest change. Even though I looked so different, I still felt the same pain.

I stood to walk away, backtracking as best I could remember. Darkness occupied the edges of my memory. The woods seemed larger now, turns here today weren't yesterday. I stumbled for days until I found the clearing again. I saw the cottage and ran for familiar shelter. Safe inside I stood motionless against the door. Looking out I could see myself looking in, a teary eyed traveler in search of magic. I opened the door and offered myself a rose.

I stared closely into the flower and in the space where the petals should have been I saw her face. Her presence was familiar, but her long absence had sensitized my nerves. Frozen cold, shivering and sweating, I felt I was the one plucked from another world and delivered into this one. Still it was her face I recognized and suddenly I knew that after all this time and all that I shed that she still recognized me, too. And finally I smiled.